Friday, December 01, 2006

Another Cut Cord

His words kept resounding in my ears. And something inside me just ‘shut’. Closed down and locked up with a permanence that was unmistakable.

In that one moment, I knew that I would chose to swallow my anger. I wasn't going to watch my pearls trampled under the feet of swine.

And so I did nothing. I also decided to leave for good.

Too much pride – she said to me, shaking her grey head. I must be humble, if I wanted to learn.

I disagreed. There are things that humility cannot teach. She shook her head, disapprovingly. I wasn’t convincing anyone, she said.

Perhaps. But I had no wish to. I was convinced.

Mediocrity isn’t borne just out of the absence of talent. It also arises out of insecurity, and the lack of any will to experiment. I was one of his fastest learners, a beginner who’d rapidly progressed to being a leader. Wasn’t it him who’d told me that? I suppose I’d expected time to rid him of his aversion for variety. I waited in vain.
It was that familiar case of the last straw yet again.

Singing has always been a passion – It lifts me up and I feel the skies rush down to meet me. Every single time. I soar and there is space for no one and nothing in those moments. Music is my first love.

Talent requires no affirmation except your own. It just isn’t talent, if it is tied down by a need so whimsical.

“No, Nayan, don’t take the A flat. It’s too high, you might go off – Wanson will do that”

And I blinked in disbelief. Why, hadn’t he just heard me hit the A flat flawlessly?

But it just took a moment.

I nodded and knew then, that my wait had ended. It’s time to move on.

2 comments:

jac said...

I fully understand.

My advice: - what ever you have done or said which is unimportant to me, but if your conscience says that you have done right...go on nayani, you have not failed.
As you said it may be a case of fresh chips for an old drink.

Some one here, with you all the way

resh said...

i truly im ready to salute the writer...most of the people who start leching are the ones from the lower clases like auto drivers, bus drivers and many more too...