Thursday, August 30, 2007


I do not wish to ever stop being someone i love. Sometimes, we stop loving ourselves. It is the saddest thing that can happen in one's lifetime, much worse than death, which is merely nothingness.

I confess I have moments when i feel i'm an example of a life completely wasted and that at no point can i undo enough to change this fact to a degree that would make me feel any different. Or that i'm stuck in a horrible place i can never get out of. Or that all i want to feel is nothingness because at that point, that feels like the most beautiful, peaceful, overpowering sensation the mind can ever know. And the saddest. But like sweet sorrow. (Shakespeare spoke of parting as 'such sweet sorrow'. I think that nothingness is. Inspite of it not being, at all.)

But i know this - the day i stop loving myself, and i don't mean loving more than anything else. I mean the day i look into my heart and find for myself not one drop of emotion close to love. This is the day i will die. My soul will leave me and i will cease to live, whether or not i continue to breathe. This much i know.